Sometimes, if we feel our rights are being violated,we need to stand up for ourselves in order to be treated fairly. This means expressing our needs, opinions and feelings in a tactful and effective manner. Psychologists call this self-assertion and distinguish it from aggression, which is generally an expression of hostility.

Because some of us want to be "nice" and "not cause trouble," we suffer in silence, turning the other cheek, and feeling helpless to repair offensive situations. We understand that most people appreciate those who accommodate others' needs before their own. Whenever a "nice" person permits a dominant person to take advantage of him or her, however, the passive person is not only cheating him or herself but is also rewarding unfair, exploitive behavior in the aggressor.

Becoming more assertiveness helps people to overcome fear, shyness, passivity, and even anger and depression. There is an astonishingly wide range of situations in which this type of training is appropriate. The following are a few examples of the goals that people generally set for themselves who undergo assertiveness training at Chesapeake Psychological Services:

• To speak up, make requests, ask for favors and generally insist that your rights be respected as a significant, equal human being.
• To overcome the fears and self-deprecation that keep you from doing these things.
• To express negative emotions (complaints, resentment, criticism, disagreement, the desire to be left alone).
• To refuse requests.
• To show positive emotions (joy, pride, liking someone, attraction) and to give and receive compliments.
• To ask questions, including questionomg authority or tradition.
• To assume responsibility for asserting your share of control of the situation--and to make things better for you.
• To initiate, carry on, change and terminate conversations comfortably. Share your feelings, opinions and experiences with others.
• To deal with minor irritations before your anger builds into intense resentment and explosive aggression.